1. Notes: 1 / Comments / 1 year ago 

    Okay, so, where did we leave off, SEVEN MONTHS AGO?

    Oh, that’s right. We started tripping balls and now a fire is talking to us.

    Have you noticed this game loves the ellipsis? I have noticed that.  Anyway!

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  2. Comments / 2 years ago 
    Hello, Outdoors. How are you? While the inside of the building looks like a pleasant country cottage with weird cave shrine in the middle, the outside is like ancient roman temple.  Bit of a disconnect, really. We go forward a few steps and are immediately accosted by a vile force! “That marble figure down the steps and to your left is the goddess statue.Try speaking to it…The goddess statue will transmit your voice to me…” Okay, I don’t get why you need a statue to hear me as you have no problems seeing me or speaking to me, but whatever, maybe it will get you to shut up faster. It is a pretty nice statue, at least. Yes, we have established that I am WaynBrdy, thanks for reminding me every 3 textboxes. Something we agree on! “Numerous doors are scattered throughout this island…Beyond each door lies a mystical world…If you open all the doors, surely you will find your own world one day, the place from whence you came.” Goddamnit. “…But you will need the Arks in order to gain access to these worlds.” GODDAMNIT! “The Arks are the keys to opening the doors…WaynBrdy…Return to the fireplace in the temple.The flame in the fireplace will serve as your guide.After you have located your first Ark, stand before this goddess statue once more…” No SNES RPG is complete without pointless running back and forth to talk and examine inane shit in the right order so you can actually progress to the next point that you could have just found without that runaround. While we are outside, let’s go ahead and scope out what else is around here. Pretty small island, full of shit we can’t do anything with yet.  There is only one thing to do. What.

    Hello, Outdoors. How are you?

    While the inside of the building looks like a pleasant country cottage with weird cave shrine in the middle, the outside is like ancient roman temple.  Bit of a disconnect, really. We go forward a few steps and are immediately accosted by a vile force!

    “That marble figure down the steps and to your left is the goddess statue.
    Try speaking to it…
    The goddess statue will transmit your voice to me…”

    Okay, I don’t get why you need a statue to hear me as you have no problems seeing me or speaking to me, but whatever, maybe it will get you to shut up faster.

    It is a pretty nice statue, at least.

    Yes, we have established that I am WaynBrdy, thanks for reminding me every 3 textboxes.

    Something we agree on!

    “Numerous doors are scattered throughout this island…
    Beyond each door lies a mystical world…
    If you open all the doors, surely you will find your own world one day, the place from whence you came.”

    Goddamnit.

    “…But you will need the Arks in order to gain access to these worlds.”

    GODDAMNIT!

    “The Arks are the keys to opening the doors…
    WaynBrdy…
    Return to the fireplace in the temple.
    The flame in the fireplace will serve as your guide.
    After you have located your first Ark, stand before this goddess statue once more…”

    No SNES RPG is complete without pointless running back and forth to talk and examine inane shit in the right order so you can actually progress to the next point that you could have just found without that runaround. While we are outside, let’s go ahead and scope out what else is around here.

    Pretty small island, full of shit we can’t do anything with yet.  There is only one thing to do.

    What.

     
  3. Comments / 2 years ago 
    Oh hello, this room.  It is nice to see you again for the first time. As you can clearly see, there are even more figurines out here!  A lot of people got violated by that weird twirling brownness.  People like: … Kay.  Anyhow.  Fires, fires, do we see any fires around here? This is a fire, right? Is this fire good enough for annihilating your emo sadness, invisible magic ghost voice? I guess there is only one way to find out. PUZZLE… SOLVED! A real brain-bender, game.  You should be kinder to new players, such as me. Oh god, you’re still talking. “It will prove to be of great value during your journey.Once outside, come to me…Contact me at the base of the goddess statue…” So, you had us throw your existential sadness and agony into a fire, so we can create… some sort of mystical spying device which I assume is now permanently welded to my inventory.  Yaaaaaaaay. There’s noting else to do inside.  Trying to go to anywhere else get’s some nagging from the voice to go outside, and wanting to limit my exposure to that… thing as humanly possible, I oblige.

    Oh hello, this room.  It is nice to see you again for the first time.

    As you can clearly see, there are even more figurines out here!  A lot of people got violated by that weird twirling brownness.  People like:

    … Kay.  Anyhow.  Fires, fires, do we see any fires around here?

    This is a fire, right?

    Is this fire good enough for annihilating your emo sadness, invisible magic ghost voice?

    I guess there is only one way to find out.

    PUZZLE…

    SOLVED! A real brain-bender, game.  You should be kinder to new players, such as me.

    Oh god, you’re still talking.

    “It will prove to be of great value during your journey.
    Once outside, come to me…
    Contact me at the base of the goddess statue…”

    So, you had us throw your existential sadness and agony into a fire, so we can create… some sort of mystical spying device which I assume is now permanently welded to my inventory.  Yaaaaaaaay.

    There’s noting else to do inside.  Trying to go to anywhere else get’s some nagging from the voice to go outside, and wanting to limit my exposure to that… thing as humanly possible, I oblige.

     
  4. Comments / 2 years ago 
    So, we’ve been given our first puzzle to solve.  Might as well start looking around. Oh, Enix, you silly goose. Putting things like ‘Search’ or ‘Talk’ in these menus became useless as soon as controllers started having more than two buttons. A MYSTERY! But one that we won’t give a fuck about for a long-ass time, sadly. Apparently the fire in these torches is not fire-y enough for burning up the angst of an invisible magic ghost voice.  I hate you, invisible magic ghost voice. We can also examine the other figurines lying around. This is a kind of screen we’ll be seeing a lot of in this game.  There are a lot of things to be examined, a lot of things involving puzzles. ‘Search’ gives us a bunch of options for closer examination, ‘Use Item’ does exactly what you’d expect it to do, and ‘Use Ark’ is somethingwe’ll get into later.  For now, let’s go ahead and use ‘Search’. This will often pull up about three entries.  Usually only one is useful, and the other two are utterly useless ones there for, I don’t know, flavor, or the appearance of making puzzles more difficult?  Fucked if I know. Anyway, counting from top to bottom: There’s nothing we can do with any of this figurines for now, though.  However, we will be able to utilize them in the near future.  I’ll leave the descriptions of the other five a mystery until then. There’s nothing left for us to do in the shrine, so we may as well exit the only way we can, south, and explore the rest of the house.

    So, we’ve been given our first puzzle to solve.  Might as well start looking around.

    Oh, Enix, you silly goose. Putting things like ‘Search’ or ‘Talk’ in these menus became useless as soon as controllers started having more than two buttons.

    A MYSTERY! But one that we won’t give a fuck about for a long-ass time, sadly.

    Apparently the fire in these torches is not fire-y enough for burning up the angst of an invisible magic ghost voice.  I hate you, invisible magic ghost voice.

    We can also examine the other figurines lying around.

    This is a kind of screen we’ll be seeing a lot of in this game.  There are a lot of things to be examined, a lot of things involving puzzles. ‘Search’ gives us a bunch of options for closer examination, ‘Use Item’ does exactly what you’d expect it to do, and ‘Use Ark’ is somethingwe’ll get into later.  For now, let’s go ahead and use ‘Search’.

    This will often pull up about three entries.  Usually only one is useful, and the other two are utterly useless ones there for, I don’t know, flavor, or the appearance of making puzzles more difficult?  Fucked if I know. Anyway, counting from top to bottom:

    There’s nothing we can do with any of this figurines for now, though.  However, we will be able to utilize them in the near future.  I’ll leave the descriptions of the other five a mystery until then.

    There’s nothing left for us to do in the shrine, so we may as well exit the only way we can, south, and explore the rest of the house.

     
  5. Comments / 2 years ago 
    After I’m molested by the bastard child of the 2001 monolith and turned into a wooden doll by the phantom zone, I’m teleportd here to the shrine, onto the empty pedestal. “WaynBrdy……Can you hear me…?WaynBrdy… Do you hear… my voice?Open your eyes…!Summon your willpower and break free from the pedestal!!” Spurred on by rampant abuse of punctuation, the wooden doll rocks back and forth, toppling and then, FLASH!  Gepetto would be proud. It was less that I listened to your pleas, o magical disembodied voice, and more the realization that I’d be stuck listening to you speak like William Shatner for the rest of eternity that spurred my escape from the collectible figurine market. “This place in which you find yourself has been sealed…It is holy ground that no one should have been allowed to enter…You have been imprisoned here, trapped inside that Figurine…Now, you must search… Look for the hidden door!Leave this place and find some way to return to your own world…!…Return to the world from whence you came!!” Oh god shut uuuup… “I have just given you a Goddess Tear…This artifact is a fragment of my profound sadness…” Wait, what? “If exposed to high heat, the tear will transform into a beautiful crystal…” Uh, I don’t think heat, tears, OR sadness work like that at all. “Find the fire…Place the Goddess Tear inside the flame, and you will create something wonderful…” Oh, yippee skippy. I’m trapped in some sort of limbo house full of weird little creepy dolls that are made of people with some angsty, emo voice that wants me to find beauty by chucking parts of its personality into a fucking fire. Wonderful.

    After I’m molested by the bastard child of the 2001 monolith and turned into a wooden doll by the phantom zone, I’m teleportd here to the shrine, onto the empty pedestal.

    “WaynBrdy……
    Can you hear me…?
    WaynBrdy… 
    Do you hear… my voice?
    Open your eyes…!
    Summon your willpower and break free from the pedestal!!”

    Spurred on by rampant abuse of punctuation, the wooden doll rocks back and forth, toppling and then, FLASH!

     Gepetto would be proud.

    It was less that I listened to your pleas, o magical disembodied voice, and more the realization that I’d be stuck listening to you speak like William Shatner for the rest of eternity that spurred my escape from the collectible figurine market.

    “This place in which you find yourself has been sealed…
    It is holy ground that no one should have been allowed to enter…
    You have been imprisoned here, trapped inside that Figurine…
    Now, you must search… Look for the hidden door!
    Leave this place and find some way to return to your own world…!
    …Return to the world from whence you came!!”

    Oh god shut uuuup…

    “I have just given you a Goddess Tear…
    This artifact is a fragment of my profound sadness…”

    Wait, what?

    “If exposed to high heat, the tear will transform into a beautiful crystal…”

    Uh, I don’t think heat, tears, OR sadness work like that at all.

    “Find the fire…
    Place the Goddess Tear inside the flame, and you will create something wonderful…”

    Oh, yippee skippy. I’m trapped in some sort of limbo house full of weird little creepy dolls that are made of people with some angsty, emo voice that wants me to find beauty by chucking parts of its personality into a fucking fire. Wonderful.

     
  6. Comments / 2 years ago 
    Time for some opening cinematics, by which I mean, cutscenes!  Just panning through the house we saw earlier. The house has a pretty impressive shrine inside of it.  SUDDENLY! We cut to me, our hero! Amaze as she wanders around aimlessly! Shock as she is… chased by, uh… some rotating brown diamond… thing. Welp.

    Time for some opening cinematics, by which I mean, cutscenes!  Just panning through the house we saw earlier.

    The house has a pretty impressive shrine inside of it.  SUDDENLY!

    We cut to me, our hero!

    Amaze as she wanders around aimlessly!

    Shock as she is…

    chased by, uh…

    some rotating brown diamond…

    thing.

    Welp.

     
  7. Comments / 2 years ago 
    Well, might as well get started.  Popular popsicle wants me to be female, so a girl I shall be!  Now, let’s get our naming on. … hmm I hope it fi— GODDAMNIT. Uh… … No. Okay, let’s try this again. Well, I suppose it’ll have to do.  I guess it’s pronounced like how a drunk person would say it!  With this game,  that’s more appropriate than you currently realize. But, enough naming shenanigans.  Let’s Play Mystic Ark!

    Well, might as well get started.  Popular popsicle wants me to be female, so a girl I shall be!  Now, let’s get our naming on.

    … hmm I hope it fi—

    GODDAMNIT.

    Uh…

    … No.

    Okay, let’s try this again.

    Well, I suppose it’ll have to do.  I guess it’s pronounced like how a drunk person would say it!  With this game,  that’s more appropriate than you currently realize.

    But, enough naming shenanigans.  Let’s Play Mystic Ark!

     
  8. Comments / 2 years ago 

    10 minutes of gameplay.

    200 screenshots.

    Hooray.

  9. Notes: 1 / Comments / 2 years ago 
    Well, I think that’s all the votes I am gonna get for that.  ’Female’ wins out, 4 to 2.  And you all should agree that the name suggestion pictured above wins out above all else.  If you do not, then you are stupid and wrong, because it’s what I’m using! Female works out for me, because, although the power and speed stats are lower, the magic stat is higher, she learns more spells, and learns them earlier too.  Having the main character be a physical powerhouse really isn’t all that important anyhow, I’ll get into why when it becomes relevant.

    Well, I think that’s all the votes I am gonna get for that.  ’Female’ wins out, 4 to 2.  And you all should agree that the name suggestion pictured above wins out above all else.  If you do not, then you are stupid and wrong, because it’s what I’m using!

    Female works out for me, because, although the power and speed stats are lower, the magic stat is higher, she learns more spells, and learns them earlier too.  Having the main character be a physical powerhouse really isn’t all that important anyhow, I’ll get into why when it becomes relevant.

     
  10. Notes: 6 / Comments / 2 years ago 
    We need to decide the main character’s name and gender!  A bit surprisingly, the gender does have some changes.  The stat growths and skills learned are different between the male and female main character, and I think there are some minor dialog changes as well.  But it’s nothing that will strongly impact the game in any way. I’m going to leave this up for a couple of days since hardly anyone is following this yet. So, what is our gender, and what is our name?

    We need to decide the main character’s name and gender!  A bit surprisingly, the gender does have some changes.  The stat growths and skills learned are different between the male and female main character, and I think there are some minor dialog changes as well.  But it’s nothing that will strongly impact the game in any way.

    I’m going to leave this up for a couple of days since hardly anyone is following this yet.

    So, what is our gender, and what is our name?

     
  11. Comments / 2 years ago 
    Okay,  I might as well show you guys what you’ll be watching me play soon enough. This round’s game is Mystic Ark, also known as The Seventh Saga 2, not for being a sequel but for being from the same team.  Just to get this question out of the way, no, it is not as unfairly difficult as The Seventh Saga (who’s near impossible difficulty was actually a localization flub anyway). This game has never had a proper release in the states, and only had a working translation patch released about a year and a half ago.  But it is, like so many other Enix RPGs of the era, full of nice puzle elements as well, so it’s not just hack hack boss hack hack treasure hack hack town hack hack hack boss repeat. However, before we get started, there’s a question that needs to be dealt with…

    Okay,  I might as well show you guys what you’ll be watching me play soon enough.

    This round’s game is Mystic Ark, also known as The Seventh Saga 2, not for being a sequel but for being from the same team.  Just to get this question out of the way, no, it is not as unfairly difficult as The Seventh Saga (who’s near impossible difficulty was actually a localization flub anyway).

    This game has never had a proper release in the states, and only had a working translation patch released about a year and a half ago.  But it is, like so many other Enix RPGs of the era, full of nice puzle elements as well, so it’s not just hack hack boss hack hack treasure hack hack town hack hack hack boss repeat.

    However, before we get started, there’s a question that needs to be dealt with…

     
  12. Notes: 1 / Comments / 2 years ago 
    ????

    ????

     
  13. Comments / 2 years ago 

    I went ahead and added Disqus comments to this Tumbly-r, because Tumblr is dumb and only allows replies to the main blog on an account?  I know, it’s weird.  but this way you can comment on future posts without the messy reblogs if you so desire.

  14. Comments / 2 years ago 

    Going to start up something soon.  Some LP action.  But in the meantime have this stupid post instead.

    Go ahead and drop a suggestion off in the ask box if you have one.

    I mean, I have an idea of what to start off with, but I could be swayed, you never know.  And I’ll need ideas for what to do next as well!

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